Things are getting completely out of control!

That's a bad thing. Right?

Metamorphosis. Click the image to check out the print.

"Fleur" in progress

   I thought I was doing so well. I thought I was finally in control, that I had this thing all figured out. I thought I knew how to protect myself from things like this happening to me, how to avoid this type of dysfunctional relationship.
   But then I met this devastatingly handsome new watercolor paper and it was love at first sight. I fell so fast and hard that I didn't even see the fall coming, didn't see that things were getting completely out of hand, and fast.
   To be clear, if this paper ever leaves me I will be utterly devastated and I may never, ever recover. I bought enough of the stuff to wallpaper my entire studio with it. But like many passionate affairs, it's kind of...complicated.
   Each sheet of this gorgeous, handmade 100% cotton paper is a uniquely textured miracle. It has such fortitude that it can hold a gallon of water and still lay back down gracefully when it has dried. It is carefully dipped in a luscious gray dye at the end, providing a beautiful neutral color to work on with watercolor paints of all types. But sadly, all this beauty is only skin deep and this paper DEFINITELY has a dark side.
   I have learned from experience that if I want a great end result, the key is to do a carefully executed drawing before I start a painting. Then there aren't going to be any tears or regrets in the painting phase. Problem solved. Right?
   Wrong. This paper is impossibly sexy, but it is unpredictable, demanding, and extremely controlling. It's super frustrating to draw on with pencil and an eraser must never touch it or the surface will be permanently scarred. It expects me to do wild, crazy things that are completely out of my comfort zone, like painting without drawing first. *gasp!* It demands that I take risks which could easily end in ugly crying, with shreds of paper drifting gently to the ground all around me. It insists that I throw caution to the wind every time we are together, and if I don't, if I refuse, if I try to go the safe route, it punishes me. It never forgives a transgression and its feelings are very easily hurt. Its like gambling. Two times out of three it can end badly for me, but I keep going back for more.
   Why, oh why am I attracted to this "bad boy" of the watercolor paper world? I'm not totally sure. Maybe it's a case of being attracted to qualities that are the polar opposite of my own. I am a Type-A planner. I think it through, I write it down, I plan it out, I draw it out, and then I stick to the parameters I have set in order to achieve a predictable end result that makes me feel safe and happy. This paper forces me to play it fast and loose and it's both a terror and a thrill.
   Now that I have been talking at length about my love/hate relationship with this paper, I feel compelled to go and roll the dice once again. Wish me luck, I'll definitely need it.

Fair warning that even the gentlest erasing ruins the surface of this gorgeous paper, so don't come crying. ;)

 
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